it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
