I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
