i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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