sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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