Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
