Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
