dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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