I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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