Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
