i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
