There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
