We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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