i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
