A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
