And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
