Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
