Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
