Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
