the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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