I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
