I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
