I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
