Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
