Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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