I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
