I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
