we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
