put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
