I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
