I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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