We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
