I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
