Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
