And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
These tits shall not be calmed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
