Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
