butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
