I wannas sexs uuuuu
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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