What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
