I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
