All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
