My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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