Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just pynch a tree in the face
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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