why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
