I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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