my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
