theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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