She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
