If that was your dad, he is hot
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
