Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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