Got a toothbrush?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
